What I want for Christmas

   I heard an interesting story the other day. It was about a boy who growing up had very little and when Christmas time came, expected nothing. On Christmas morning the little boy was surprised and excited to see a fruit basket, filled with oranges, apples and a toy wooden knick knack.

   Someone was recently asked, “What do you want for Christmas?” They replied with one simple word; peace. With all the hustle and bustle around the holidays, just sit for a moment, alone or with family possibly friends and enjoy a moment of peace and wish the same for others.

You hear it numerous times throughout the holiday season. It doesn’t even matter your religious background. What do you want for Christmas? Well I’ll tell you.

   I want to be able to attend my child’s school function without wondering how many of those precious children are a part of the 49,886 children experiencing homelessness while trying to obtain an education. Did you know Florida is ranked 43^rd (50 being the worst) in child homelessness and that 800,000 children in Florida alone live in poverty?

I want to give the gift of security to those who have felt that fear of having your power cut off. I want to not choke up every time I pass the families with children on the side of the road, holding signs asking for anything. I want to not feel guilty because I didn’t stop and I didn’t stop because I feel as though any of us are always one step from their reality. I have nothing to give, or so I thought until recently. The other day when my son and I past a homeless family on the side of the road, I asked him to just imagine what that must feel like. To not have shelter from the rain (my son happens to feel quite discontent when it storms) I don’t know how much he really understood but I did notice he was getting teary eyed. We have never had much in the way of fancy crap people fill their homes with but the older I get the more I realize just how far from the bottom of the barrel we are. There is a huge gap between having a roof over your head and having to wash your children in a convenient store bathroom.

   We as a society need to wake up and realize that the homeless of today are a whole new demographic of people. They could be your neighbors, co-workers, friends and family. We can no longer ignore and not give to those in need because we feel they will run to the nearest liquid store to cure their latest disease. It’s just no longer the case. We should be ashamed of ourselves for purchasing that new furniture set knowing our economy is causing people in YOUR shoes to become homeless. Every time we spend or live outside our means we should be ashamed for choosing to ignore our growing homeless society.

   I love to gift give and receive just as much as the next person but this year…I want people to give to someone else. I want to see everyone spending less yet giving more. I see people who are not even religious celebrating a religious holiday merely by shelling out money and for what greater cause exactly? We need to shell out to the top dog corporations so they can feed the hungry in some country we can’t even pronounce so they can appear ethical?

   It’s been awhile since I last posted. To be honest I haven’t felt all that inspired lately. If you take anything away from this remember those families who have nothing. Not the families who may go without presents this year but those families who get turned away by homeless shelters because the 718 beds in Orange county alone are already filled, that only offers beds to 62 percent of the homeless population in Orange county. Don’t even get me started on Volusia, Seminole or Osceola counties. Remember those families who are experiencing homelessness for the first time, due to our economy. The same economy we all should fear, the same economy we all created. I challenge everyone, myself included to reach out. To admit and acknowledge that the real hidden epidemic is right here in front of us, it’s behind the eyes of the same children who are suffering emotionally and academically because they don’t have any of the simple things in life. Those same objects we consider to be free. While everyone else is worrying about who gets what and purchasing enough gifts so everyone will feel satisfied, stressing over not getting that one big ticket item we all feel we need, look past the surface and see just how silly you’re behaving. So what do I want for Christmas? I employ you to give any way you can. Feed the homeless, reach out to the community, do your own research and get involved, I know in my heart if we don’t fix this now, we will regret it later.

The Greatest...

I drive around the local neighborhoods, where a vast majority of the residence are well below the U.S. poverty guidelines, therefore schools are title one schools meaning over seventy percent of students meet the free or reduced lunch. Its raining this particular time, the radio is playing "The Greatest" by Cat Powers...a song about always feeling as though one must be the greatest at everything. I see homes falling apart, yards a mess, the kind  in which you can't quite distinguish if the owners are having a year round garage sale...and yet, the same homes have huge well decorated gazebos, Escalades and Beamers in the drive. I can't help but wonder whats in side those houses. Those same houses, and residents of said houses have their children on free and reduced lunches. This would have to mean, that the yearly income of these household members, do not meet federal guidelines of above poverty. 

When did this come about? The feeling that plagues most our American society. That we must all be the greatest and being the greatest is defined by social standards. The greatest are those who possess the most, most money, biggest tv's, highly priced electronics, which all fundamentally do the same things. Have you even stopped to notice that your Ipod touch, IPhone and Ipad all technically DO the same crap? Is it a necessity to own all three? If it is, then why? Why do we feel this way? Have we been conditioned to feel as though every cent that comes into our home must be dumped into the latest and greatest to ensure we stay on top? Are we seriously defining ourselves as a person based on what material possessions we own? Have we stopped to consider that our economic failure stems from our need to feed this status? We dump money, we no longer save we rather spend on wants not needs. In past generations, people knew the value, that's right...value of a dollar. Regardless of today's cost of living, it's as if we go looking for more ways to waste our money.

I recently did a report for a class about student diversity and how social class defines us. Growing up, your parents socialized you to be in a certain class...its inevitable. Your parents are the first to socialize you. They pretty much control everyone you encounter and everything you do. I feel as though from a very young age, I had to have the best of everything and I was nothing or not a productive citizen if I had nothing to show...I dont blame anyone for this. I think my parents wanted the best for me and as a result showered me with everything. I wasn't a spoiled child, but never went without and had way more than a child needs. Both my parents have enough money to never complain about a lack of. 

Let me paint a picture...a beautiful family gathered around on a recently brick paved patio. Everyone has a ipod in hand ranging from generation one to generation who cares...so this family, with all their ipods in hand are discussing their music choices. One pulls out speakers that connect to ipods and sits said speakers on the patio table. So now, we have each family member taking turns playing music on the speakers for all to hear and comparing choices...you would think this could be great family bonding time however I was the ONLY family member without an ipod. I was mid twenties at this time, hadn't seen this side of the family in some time...and always felt distant partially do to this exact type of scenario. I must say they had great taste in music however one family member looks to me and says, "Ashley, you don't have an ipod?" as if, I was nothing without one, as if, it was so odd to not have one and as if, it was an impossibility like...really? could it be, someone in this world didn't have an ipod! I felt about the size of a pea. I felt knocked down the status ladder. I wanted to say, "Yes that's right, I have no money and what little money I have cannot go towards an ipod...so sorry to disappoint." That's right, once more in some form or fashion I felt like I had disappointed them. Simply due to not having enough. It's sad isn't it.

Part of me wanted to run home crying, even though I was well past the age of acceptable crying due to not having the latest and greatest. This is just one example of sadly, many. Many moments in my life which have instilled in me, that one must be defined by what they own or even how pretty they are. Defined by there social status/class. However, as an adult. I know better. I view life nowadays in a whole new light. I dont care what people think of me, I treat everyone with care but if they don't like who I am, then they dont have to be around me. I always felt like I had to please everyone, certainly my parents. I dont mean please them by being a good person. I'd like to think I already do. I mean please them as in, what materialistic things do I bring to the table. It sounds bad indeed. I always felt like I was of nothing important if I did not live up to expectations. I was not living up to the social status within my own small family. Like I said, I know better now. I see through any shallow waters. I love my life, I love what little things I have accumulated, I love striving for more. I don't need to live up to anyone expectations and I certainly don't feel the need to please anyone. I am me, I love me...I had a dream I was the queen and woke up still queen. To the rest of the world, stop feeling as though you're not good enough because you dont own that 55inch tv. Stop buying the best cars to show off, if you can't afford a new roof. We are NOT what we own. The old saying goes, "Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind, the race is long and in the end it's only with yourself."

Caylee's Law

I wasn't going to post anything more on the Casey Anthony case however my Father brought this to my attention. I knew, whether I liked it or not. That Casey would get away with whatever she did, however to hear that she was not convicted of child abuse just baffles me. If I was to leave my child unattended while I so much as went to Wal-mart, you better believe my butt would have been hauled to jail. As it should! However, due to some freak loop hole abuse currently is not the same as neglect. Casey NEGLECTED her child, I dont much care if she was the ideal Motherly figure for a mere two years, she neglected that poor girl when she went so long without reporting her missing. For that alone, she should have been convicted of child abuse and neglect, regardless of no previous abuse reports. I cannot tell you the happiness I felt, knowing that a petition to put in place, "Caylee's Law" has already been filed so that in the future neglectful parents will be held accountable for such ruthless acts of carelessness. 

http://www.cfnews13.com/article/news/2011/july/275589/Representatives-file-Caylee%E2%80%99s-Law

Do you fear love?

   Every fear has a name. A fear of drowning/water is an aquaphobia. A fear of Spiders, arachnophobia. There is pretty much a fear of everything imaginable and with that fear comes some unique or not so unique title with phobia at the end. A fear of love...do you have it? If you do, then lets name it. Philophobia, a fear of falling in love. I believe this fear is becoming an epidemic. I cant help but ask why? Why would someone, anyone want to fear love, giving and receiving but if anything atleast giving. When you ask someone who has a fear of love, why? They almost undoubtedly state because I was hurt. Well, aren't we all hurt? Don't we all get hurt by love at some point or another? If you fall off the bike, do you never try again? Or do you rather, get up, dust your self off, take the wisdom obtained in what not to do and place that into the opportunity of trying again? If you're anything like me, you have the pleasure of getting hurt repeatedly. I read somewhere that people dont want to love because they can't understand it. Well, there is plenty in life I dont understand but love, the emotion, is not one of them.

   I have discussed my ideals, visions, thoughts of what love is and what it should be, how to give it and certainly how to receive love, many people have enjoyed my take, my two cents. Never have I found someone who didn't debate my logic, something I seem to grasp so easily. They simply bask in the glow of my imagination before moving on, returning to reality. Although they enjoy their short stay in my world, never do they hang around too long. I am starting to think I have been beaten. How does the old saying go? "If you can't beat em, join em?"

The Proof Is In The Pudding...

   I remember the very day I first discovered the Internet. I was maybe twelve years old. My parents had  something that vaguely resembles a computer and somehow I quickly found myself in a chat room. I don't even think I realized what I was doing. I remember Mom was making dinner and I felt this overwhelming urge to hide what I was doing. There is something about chatting online with complete strangers that even at a young age felt dangerous yet tempting. I don't even believe I realized I was talking with real live people. I had my fun and it passed, on with my intense life of a teenager I went. I worry now, for my children. I worry on a variety of levels. Children face more and at a younger age. Everything you ever want to know, at your finger tips via Google. With this rise in technology, the door opens and sometimes that door leads right in to your personal life. I know the times are changing, and I can prove it. At seven to twelve years old I was playing outside, riding bikes, hoping the street lights would not come on signaling it was time to call it a day and come on inside. I made up stories with my friends, ventured into places we were not exactly suppose to be and made wonderful childhood memories. I never sat in front of a computer, never played video games, never ate sugar all day long and never worried about what I see children of today worrying about. 

   The other day I was quickly reminded the times have changed when I realized my son had unintentionally hacked my bank account and spent 240 dollars on Internet gaming. He did not realize he was spending real money and I did not realize how easily one could link PayPal with Facebook. With just a click of a button I was at a loss of 240 dollars and my son was a billionaire on Zynga. At first I thought someone stole my identity, then I laughed thinking what an idiot that person must be, then after some investigation on my part I realized it was my own son and I couldn't help but think how much our children have access too. How much everyone has access too, how quickly one could hack your Facebook and bam, there in your bank account. As I am attempting to explain to him what happened to prevent this in the future, I found myself at a loss of words. How does a child even begin to comprehend and really why should a child have to?

Summer

So much has happened I can hardly keep up. Summer classes have started, everything seems off to a good start although college sometimes feels like your running the never ending marathon. Maybe in my case I feel like someone is chasing me because I am constantly paranoid that I have or will forget an assignment. I keep looking back, looking forward...watching my step as I take the longest strides physically possible. Ill let you know if I fall, however...failure is not an option!

I said goodbye to my Brother, probably for the next two years. We had a great visit. I love him so much and I am thankful I get to be apart of his life. I very much admire the man he is becoming and wish him the best of luck. Thankfully due to technology I will still get to video chat and skype with him...

Summer officially started for my Son. His end of the year party was very sweet. I find one of the hardest things for me as an aspiring Teacher will be growing to love and care for each child and then letting them go...but not just letting them go, knowing in your heart they are growing, moving on, learning and that as the Teacher I will play a large role in this. I know each and every year, this last day will be very near and dear to me...

Speaking of Teachers. I feel for all the Teachers out there right now. Especially those in New York. They just passed the law that 40 percent of Teachers yearly evaluations will be based solely on the testing scores of Students. At first I thought well, okay, this isn't so bad but after careful consideration and further research I realize how terrible this is. I never agreed with the idea but I could imagine living with this. Now I can only hope that Florida is smart enough to realize the dangers in evaluating Teachers based on the testing results of Students. Students they may not have had the whole year. Students whose parents lack the necessary discipline to implement study time. Students with behavioral issues. I started thinking as a Teacher. I plan to pour my heart out to each and every Student. I will dedicate my time and passion to each and every Student who walks through my door and yet I see it now, the parent who wont put in the same time. I will offer to tutor, I will offer to use my spare time, which we all know will be non existent...but I will offer my time to the student I see is struggling, but I know there will be those parents who can not or will not cooperate. Will this be the same parent who backs the proposal that Teachers be evaluated on the students test scores? I think we should all personally meet the people who back these proposals, meet with their families, children and see how well their children score, see how involved these parents are with their childrens education because I tell you what, Teachers are the guide, the leader to educating your children but it doesn't and shouldn't end their. Parents need to be held just as accountable for the education of your child. Since they aren't, what is a Teacher to do?

Clouds Cover Your Eyes

Sometimes I find my own words to be overwhelming. I want to sit down before you and let my fingers roam this keypad freely. I want to stop bottling the thoughts, ideas, and feelings I keep inside. I worry there is no such thing as freedom of speech, or maybe there is and you have the choice to live with the consequences of your words. My thoughts can be hurtful, my words can come back to haunt me. I may have said once before that my Father wisely said something along the lines of, "If you dont want someone to read your thoughts, dont write them down" and yet I want to, I want you to hear, to read what I have to say. I refuse to believe I can be held back by fear of saying the wrong thing, or possibly saying the right thing yet somehow coming out wrong. I always find myself in this place. I know of only one person who holds nothing back when confronting people. Part of me thinks he is nuts for being so bold. Another part of me commends him, maybe he is one of few who actually stays true to himself. He holds nothing back, he does not sugar coat. I do, sadly I feel the need to blanket life with sweet nectar to make truth easier to swallow. I dont do this with everything. I am honest and view life from a realistic stand point. I also feel my outlook has perks especially when considering the line of work I am pursuing. However, having said that. How do I break this cycle. Is it safe to open up my soul, allow you to see the core of my being, even knowing that in doing so will most certainly come with consequence.